19 6 / 2013

I literally cannot stand this world anymore.
I think every day of how much easier it would be if while driving some one hit my car and killed me.

My family doesn’t get that they are the least supportive ever. They think they are all high and mighty and the best people on this earth, but whether they like it or not, THEY DON’T FUCKING HELP ME. In fact they make things worse. They say they encourage me and they say they try to make me believe that I can do things, but all they do is make me feel worse about what I haven’t accomplished, they make me feel like I can’t accomplish anything because I’m not good enough, and they make me feel like I’m nothing.

Anyone else feel that way?

18 6 / 2013

Hey everyone. It’s been a really long time. Unfortunately, things for me have been one after the other.
I’m finally back at work, and it’s taking it out of me. I’m trying to exercise every day, but when you’re tired and in pain after work it’s extremely hard to convince yourself to do more.

Chronic pain.
It’s so hard to live with Fibromyalgia in a twenty-two year olds mind set. My body thinks it is about sixty years old! I am constantly in pain and suffering with muscle spasms. Doctors are also now looking into my para-thyroid. They think it may be hyper active.

Do you know what a hyper active para thyroid causes? Unexplainable weight gain. How fun is that? Trying to lose weight and your body literally not letting it happen. It also causes muscle spasms, stomach pain, stomach cramps, and other things.

The last thing is, my c-spine has several pinched nerves causing numbness and pain in my arms. The doctor was not able to do an MRI and guessed that I have one or more herniated or degenerated discs as well.

So along with the pain, exhaustion, strange weight gains with no change in my diet, I’m also now weighing 240 pounds. Even though my pant size is one size smaller than a month ago.

It’s stressful. If you believe in God, I would appreciate your prayers. If you don’t then I would appreciate your encouraging thoughts.

Have a great day.

08 4 / 2013

08 4 / 2013



am i the only one that sees food as nutrient groups? like i don’t see chicken as chicken, i see it as protein. i don’t see peanut butter as peanut butter, i see it as healthy fats. i don’t see bread as bread, i see it as carb. and i also don’t see soda as soda, i see it as liquid satan

I need this mentality!

TRUTH. I literally said to my Mom today that we couldn’t go to noodles and company cause Id order something Carb loaded… And I mean bad carbs.

08 4 / 2013

08 4 / 2013

Looks so good!

Looks so good!

(via healthier-habits-today)

08 4 / 2013

I loved this book. The movie was good for how much they left out. It stinks that they have to decide what’s important, and what’s not. I thought that my calories for today was busted because I had movie theater popcorn, sonic, and ice cream with my mom. (She is kind of a bad influence… My Dad is too actually!) However, I didn’t eat all of it. I didn’t even eat half of the sonic tots or chiabatta chicken sandwich, I limited myself on the popcorn, and I didn’t even finish the junior serving or ice cream! That may seem like not a big deal, but for me all of that is a HUGE deal. I also walked around the mall with my mom, and made her go for a walk when we got home! It’s finally warm here, and the sky was clear so the walk was beautiful! I did have my neurological appointment today, with no surprise, they told me nothing was wrong other than the fact that I have Fibromyalgia. Which I was diagnosed with this past week. My herniated disc made my body decide I start displaying more and more symptoms of it. I’ve had it my whole life, but I didn’t know! So now I’m living with that, and it gives me even more of a reason to lose weight!

Keep it up everyone. If I can keep walking and moving with a disease that constantly causes people pain, then so can you!

07 4 / 2013

No offense to your gender, but how can you date someone for almost an entire year, tell them on valentines day you want to marry them, then BREAK UP with them a little less than a month later, and be in a new relationship in less than THREE WEEKS?!?!?!


Other than that. It’s been a healthy Sunday. I got to walk again to day and walked over a mile!! Woop-woop!!!
For breakfast I had one slice of toast with peanut butter and 1 tsp of sugar free syrup.
Lunch time I made a delicious veggie wrap out of whole grain 100 calorie wrap, sliced red bell pepper, shredded carrots, cucumber slices, spinach leaves and 2 tbsp of classic sabra hummus.
My after walk snack was a pineapple, strawberry, mango smoothie made with nonfat milk.

Even though boys are dumb, I know that right now I need to focus on myself. My whole life I’ve always been so concerned with what everyone else felt or needed and ignored myself. I truly believe that’s how I became so unhealthy and over weight. Well, it’s my turn now.
And since he wants to hang out with me this week I feel like he may not actually want to be with that person anyway. Now to make myself look extra hott and act like he doesn’t phase me. I don’t need his selfish, lazy behavior around me anyway!

06 4 / 2013

Hello world.
It’s been a great couple of days. I weighed in yesterday at 226! Which is another pound off! Something else that’s great, I’ve gone on a walk the past two days. Why is this important? It’s the first time I’ve been able to walk a long distance without having to stop from the pain! I haven’t gotten the blood results back, but according to what I’ve read about what the doctors think I have, walking will help relieve pain in the long run. So I’m trying my hardest to keep moving.

My eating habits have been great. I’ve been under my calorie goal the past 3 days in a row! My medicine makes me super thirsty so I’ve added a lot more water too. Which I needed so that works really well for me!

Last night was my “cheat meal” and my family went out for burgers so I guess I was lucky with the timing.

I’m so excited that my life seems to be moving forward and I feel so inspired!

04 4 / 2013